When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake…….. After three days of pain and agony ………………the rattle snake died
Chuck once took a lie detector test. The machine confessed everything.
Chuck Norris is the reason the “the jack is in the box”
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris‘ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris is done with his workout, his gym equipment needs ice packs and Ben Gay.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
The Terminator said, “I’ll be back” because he saw Chuck Norris was coming
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.
Chuck Norris played who will blink first, with a mirror. And he won
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a circular room
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.